‘Talking about death and the future allowed us to honour Mum’s wishes’
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When Marie-Louise Brennan died, there was no question about what she wanted to happen.
She had planned her funeral, chosen all the music and flowers, picked her coffin, and specified the location of her burial. You name it, Marie-Louise had it planned.
“We lived in Christchurch at that stage,” explains daughter Angela Jackson. “Mum chose a burial location right under the Southern Alps and next to a school – she said she wanted to hear the kids laughing and playing and wanted to see the snow.”
Marie-Louise started her future planning when diagnosed with an illness.
“She wanted five red roses on her coffin, because that was my three siblings and me, and Dad,” explains Jackson.
“We kept those flowers and got them pressed. That was one example of something Mum wanted and it was very meaningful for us, especially for Dad. It helped him work through the process.”
Jackson’s experience with her mother’s funeral preparation showed firsthand the importance of starting conversations with family members.
“It’s important to talk about because we thought we knew some stuff [about what Mum wanted] but we didn’t really know the details.”
Fast forward 13 years and Jackson, now working at Public Trust, isn’t surprised to hear new research showing many people don’t like talking about the prospect of death, despite it being something that will happen to all of us.
For Jackson, now in the role of Head of Service Delivery – North Island, the fact her mother was open about her wishes made it easier on the family.
She encourages families to start the conversations about these important topics, and then formalise their wishes in a will.
“It was very empowering for Mum, but it was also meaningful for us because we knew we were doing exactly what she wanted, and we were able to honour that.”